I Don’t Hit My Kids, Yet…

When I picked the 3 year old up from school yesterday his teacher had an interesting story for me. I guess my middle monkey was playing with a stuffed animal and he kept throwing it on the ground. When his teacher asked him why, he said it was time for the bear to “go to sleep”. So his teacher questioned further (while sorta giggling because she knows us very well) “Do Mommy and Daddy throw you in your bed when it’s time to go to sleep?” and my sweet little boy said, “Yes”.

I actually found this story a bit comical because
A. I don’t hit my kids and
B. He wasn’t really lying.

This past week the 3 year old was refusing to finish his dinner but still insisted on desert. That’s not how things work up in this bitch. You eat… you get a treat. Simple right? But Mr. 3 wants to do things his way, which (although very age appropriate) is a total fucking pain in the ass. So on Thursday and Friday nights he went to bed with no desert, and a temper tantrum, which was finally resolved without books or cuddles but getting a time out, in his crib. Now, I wouldn’t say we “threw” him in his bead… but when a strong 3 year old won’t listen and is trying to kick you, he isn’t laid down gently either.

The moral of this story is always give your kids whatever the fuck they want so you don’t have to explain yourself to DCF.

No, no, that can’t be right. The real moral of this story is that sometimes being a parent means you have to be a dick. They aren’t always going to like you, but they need to trust what you say to be true. If you say one thing and then do another all you get is a kid who’s going to know they’ve got your number. And in this case my little buddy seems to think that if he annoys the living shit out of us he’s going to get his way. I think he might, just might, be finally getting the message that we aren’t going to give in on certain core things. Like eating, we aren’t going to budge on this one. And hopefully we don’t have to repeat the soap opera from the other night. But if we do, so be it.
I might have to get the preschool some new stuffed animals.

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The Crying Game

10:35PM.
The 3 year old is screaming bloody f**king murder because we put him down for bed without books (he deserved it, WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS). The 1 month old is so gassy and upset unless he is being held upright, and we finally told the 8 year old to do whatever he has to do…

This is The Crying Game.

My house after 8 PM isn’t for everybody… shit, it’s barely for me. But, it works. Well, it usually works.

Now it’s Spring Break. Spring Break isn’t really Spring up in this bitch (we live in FL) and as far as I’m concerned my kids always seem to be on some kind of school break… So this is a farce. But our nights are always later then most… Dinner is at 7 and bedtime is at 9… I know, it sounds absurd, and it is pretty much absurd but it works, well it used to work, before we had the baby.

People always told me the “middle child” stories and I really thought they were full of shit.. I mean, we all choose our own destiny, right? But I’m slowly watching my middle child become a straight up nightmare. And as I said before, “we don’t negotiate with terrorists”. (I can say it in a small voice now because he’s finally asleep). I am open to advice because I obviously need some. And although I think I know everything the 3 year old has a fantastic concept to the fact that I suck… I am fully f**king clueless to his needs.Please share your secrets. I’m ready for anything credible….